Byron

My Journal appears to be in need or repair and editing, both to remove my own Idiocy, and to combine some of my written journal entries.

Please excuse my mess in the mean time.

Who am I? Or better, what makes me the way I am?

Why do I have an issue with being cheap?
My first years of life my family was pretty well off, but not for long. Progressively we became poorer and poorer. Our family kept getting bigger and our needs grew. This caused me grief in school, especially in my later years. I think it has become somewhat of a complex. I refuse to be looked down upon as poor white trash. I want nice things and remorsefully often boast when I have them. This has led me to a trend of careless spending at times. I know I need to stop and I want to. I hate being in debt. But this has caused some serious impulse control.
If you see me being dumb with money please remind me that I am not white trash and no one thinks of me that way.

Why am I a know it all and hate being called dumb?
Easy answer, I was a very bright child. I could read and write at the age of three and could match cards laid out for two 52 card decks from memory without error after seeing them placed. At first my parent praised me for being so smart, and my brothers called me stupid every chance they got to get back at me. Later in life after our family life fell apart and my parents became abusive, verbal abuse came in the form of being called dumb or stupid tangled up with statements like "You stupid piece of shit," "You are a dumb bastard just like your father," "I wish you would have never been born," and "I want to kill every one of you." Of course there are other colorful examples over the years, but I think my point is made.
If I start being a know it all, or I try to get the last word in, please remind me that you are not challenging my knowlege that we just both have a different understanding of things.
Also, If I get drunk and stupid and start talking about how dumb and worthless I feel, please remind me that those are my mothers words and not mine.

So what's up with my weight?
This has been an issue for me all of my life. My earliest complex with it started when I was very young and I had a little belly. I remember my uncle grabbing it and teasing me about it. This started a cycle of not wanting to eat and then over eating. During my early years in elementary school, around 2nd grade, I remember being teased at times about my weight. I was "Husky" back then. This cause me grief and I started refusing dinner and skipping my meals at school. It got bad enough that I started getting sick and after my doctor brought it to my attention my family helped me get over it. Several years later, around 5th grade, I started Gymnastics. I loved Gymnastics. I lost a good amount of weight and was one of the skinny kids. Some time later the Gym shut down due to low enrollment and I started putting weight back on. I realized this at that time that I was getting fat and apparently stopped eating again. I remember years later seeing pictures from that Christmas and thinking how sick and terrible I looked. My cheekbones stuck out so far I just looked like a skull. This time no one intervened. Apparently I got over this on my own. While playing football in high school I started noticing some of my team mates loosing weight. I was not especially big at the time, but I was not skinny. I was loosing weight as well but not at nearly the rate that I wanted. I immediately stopped eating breakfast, lunch, and often skipped dinner. My weight went through cycles due to types of work I was doing, income changes and drug use throughout the majority of my early 20's. This is still a complex for me. It is rattling around my conscious mind nearly every hour of every day. I think I need help.

Dear Journal,
Where do I begin? It's been a very very long time since I've told you my story. My guess is about 4 years. It really would be unrealistic to try to put everything down that has changed or happened in the last 4 years. I will say that I have been some interesting places and met some extraordinary people. And now here I am in Cleveland. I've actually been here for the last three years. The world is not the same place that it was 4 years ago. I don't think the people nor the place has changed nearly as much as I have, and yet I am still in search of myself. I have lived many lives in this time, and I am sure that I will live many more as time goes by.
The world is not anything like it was back then. So many things have changed. Maybe not for everyone, perhaps just for me. I can not really say. I just know that this old world is not the same place I saw when I was a young child.
So many people in my life, and so many miles in every direction. I don't think I will ever see everyone that made an impact on my life again. It would be a true attempt to try. God I miss so many. It's not a loss to me though. I love them all, and I know that I will always be in their hearts. I am not saying this as a depressed moment but maybe more of a moment of realization.
I did not make it to the place that I thought I would be by this point in my life. I have procrastinated and taken so many detours. I guess my ADHD did finally get the best of me at this point. I often look back and reflect on how things could have been so different for me had I followed the path that I had originally planned. Of course that is just like a road trip across country. When you stay on the destined path and never stray you truly miss out on some of the wonderful things that this great nation has in store. Life is like that. I would have been a different person. I would not know the people that I have in my life. I would not be here now working a job that I truly loath beyond all belief. At the same time, I would have missed so many great things, and so many great people. I would not be the same me. Perhaps the wrong turns were actually the right turns. I will never know. I probably never live up to all the potential I had starting out. So much has been lost in that respect, but I have gained so many other things in return.
Right now I live with a dear friend in Cleveland. I have been working for Time Warner for about 2 1/2 years now. This is not where I want to be in life, but it is not a bad start.
I have actually been torn for sometime now. I do have friends here that I do care greatly for. They are the reason I am here now and not have moved on. I guess I just don't see where I can live up to my full potential in today's Cleveland. It is a dying city and it's hard to move up in the world when the world around you is decaying and crumbling. Don't get me wrong, this city has potential. Somewhere in the back of my mind I want to go back to New York, Atlanta, Boston, or somewhere new. I really feel like those cities are truely alive, but I am getting older. Is it time to start looking to set down roots, or is it time to continue exploring? I am truly torn and not ready to confront this issue at the present time.
I know that for the most part I am happy now. I think I will leave these things up to time at the present moment.

Running Head: Civil vs. Religious Marriage

Social Implications of
Civil vs. Religious Marriage
By Byron A. Couch

Abstract
Due to the popularity of religious doctrine nearly ten percent of the United States population is denied equal access to a fundamental civil liberty the rest enjoy. Marriage from the civil perspective continues to exclude homosexuals with no justification from the law. This in turn creates a minority of second-class citizens.
It is now common knowledge that in the United States every citizen is created and should be treated equally. This has possibly become one of the most accepted and believed ideas in all of the United States and was penned into the United States Declaration of Independence as a “Self Evident Truth” (Declaration of Independence, 1776). Even with this being generally accepted as the law of the land, gay Americans still are treated unequally and are not granted the same rights as every other citizen. There are many ways that they are treated as second-class citizens, but the one issue commonly addressed is civil marriage. It is only logical to allow people of the same sex to marry. Doing so would have a very little social impact on those who object to it and a huge social impact those who are asking for it.

Civil vs. Religious
There are two ways to view marriage. There is the religious aspect that does not have to be honored by law. There is the civil aspect that does not have to be recognized by religion and outlines what married couples receive as a benefit of being married by the public sector. It is common for many religions to have doctrine defining marriage. Some religious faiths embrace polygamy and marriage contracts engaged during infancy by the parents. The United States does not honor such arrangements based on Civil Law.

Religious View
It is a common religious belief that “Redefining marriage as simply a union between two people regardless of sex (gender) defeats the very purpose of marriage – the perpetuation of the species – and therefore destroys the very idea of the institution of marriage” (American TFP, 2007). The rebuttal to this argument is, “If the state is to deny gays and lesbians, on this basis, the right to marry the partner that they love and have made a commitment to, then the state should logically deny divorced persons with children the right to remarry the person that they love” (Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 2003).

Church and State
One way that the United States differs from many other countries in the world is that it practices, or at least should be practicing, a separation of church and state. This is part of the framework laid out in the United States Constitution. This guarantees citizens the right to practice any religion of their choosing, and guarantees that the laws will be written without regard to religious doctrine. Using religious doctrine to ban the act is crossing the line. I like the view Austin Cline makes in his article, “So far, no government has suggested that any religious groups be forced to perform and recognize gay marriages - that’s the flip-side of the separation of church and state and is as it should be. Just as the government is not obligated to define marriage along religious lines, religious groups are not obligated to define marriage along civil lines” (Cline, 2007)

The 19th Amendment
When the 19th Amendment was written it clearly stated as law, “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex (gender)” (United States Constitution, 1920). With this definition the government has to look at every citizen as a person, not a male or a female, and provide him or her with the same rights. When it comes to writing law, this amendment cannot be overlooked. It is an integral piece of our society. To refuse it would open the door to bring back women’s suffrage.

Who is impacted?
Lets face it, the world will not come to an end and heterosexual marriage will continue the cycle of divorce without regard to the boys next door sharing medical benefits as a household. Oddly while heterosexuals stand to lose no rights by allowing the inclusion of same gender marriages, homosexuals loose many rights, including but not limited to: insurance benefits, continuation of lease rights, community property rights, inheritance rights, tuition discounts, payments of wages for deceased partners, payments of workers compensation benefits for deceased partners, right to enter into pre-marital agreement, veterans preference to spouse in public employment, child custody, adoption rights, witness and court testimony rights, consent to post-mortem examination, funeral leave, right to make burial/cremation arrangements, right of survivorship to custodial trust, right of "next of kin" decision-making in medical emergencies, right to divorce, custodial rights for seriously injured partner, income tax deduction, credits and exemptions, tax relief for natural disaster losses, travel and transportation expense of government employees, commercial discounts and other consumer incentives offered only to married couples. The only people impacted are the, ones being denied access to their rights, gay Americans.

Conclusion
Alan M. Dershowitz had the best answer when he stated, “The solution is to unlink the religious institution of marriage — as distinguished from the secular institution of civil union — from the state. Under this proposal, any couple could register for civil union, recognized by the state, with all its rights and responsibilities” (Dershowitz, 2003). This arrangement would afford the same rights to every citizen by the government, and religious advocates can continue to hold on to their sacrament.


Citations
B.A. Robinson. “IS SAME-SEX MARRIAGE (SSM) A BAD IDEA? SEVEN
REASONS WHY THEY ARE UNDESIRABLE (WITH REBUTTALS)” Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 2003
http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_marint2.htm

Cline, Austin. “Arguments Against Gay Marriage: Marriage is a Sacred Religious
Sacrament: Gay Marriage Would Be a Sacrilege and Thus Must Be Banned?” About.com. 2007
http://atheism.about.com/od/gaymarriage/a/MarriageSacred.htm

Dershowitz, Alan M. “To Fix Gay Dilemma, Government Should Quit the Marriage
Business” Los Angeles Times. 2003
http://www.rossde.com/editorials/Dershowitz_marriage.html

Safier, Scott A. “The Benefits of Marriage”
http://fogarty.org/tim/gay_issues/marriage_benifits.html

The American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property (TFP). “Five
Reasons to Vote YES For Traditional Marriage on November 2”
http://www.tfp.org/tfc/five_reasons_to_vote_yes.htm

The Declaration of Independence. 1776

United States Constitution. “19th Amendment” 1920

Byron A. Couch
Political Science 1010
February 2, 2008
Instructor: Nina Turner

With another election year upon us many social issues lead the debates as the American people attempt to sort out their choice for president. According to CNN.com’s Election Center 2008 among the 17 top issues we find Same-sex marriage. While this issues is not the most weighted issue on the campaign trail, it does have a history of making it’s mark on the American political system.
The topic of Same-sex marriage has been and issue in the public arena for some time. In 2006 the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, was enacted under then President Bill Clinton. This act alone left many questions in the air. The very act appears to be a violation of the constitution, under Article IV. Section 1 in which each state is given full faith and credit.
Did this very act pave the way for further violations of full faith in credit? In 2000 the Mississippi legislature passed an adoption ban that did just this. The legislation did not only target adoptions performed in Mississippi, but also nullified adoptions that were hosted by other states for Mississippi residents and residents that wished to relocate to Mississippi from other states.
During this election the issues continues to have a way to surface, and we continue to see articles, such as, “Iowa Gay Marriage Ruling Stirs 2008 Race,” quickly come and go from the headlines. No one candidate seams ready to really tackle the issue.
With this election will we once and for all find a candidate who is willing to the right thing and remove the debate? Will someone finally pass a law that covers all aspects of the law one this issue? This can only end one way. When “all men and created equal” means “all men and woman of all creeds are created equal,” then we are living in a genderless society in the eyes of the law. Shouldn’t that mean as the law is concerned gender is no issue?


CNN.com Election Center 2008
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/issues/

WikiPedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_of_Marriage_Act

ACLU
http://www.aclu.org/lgbt/parenting/12306prs20000307.html

Fox News - Iowa Gay Marriage Ruling Stirs 2008 Race
http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2007Aug31/0,4670,2008CandidatesGayMarriage,00.html

Sometimes I wonder where to find the marrow in life. What is it in this world that compels us to live?
Is there some false hope that life promises. Or is there really something out there to be had in life.
While yet, we do find brief moments of happiness; happiness passes and leaves us feeling empty only waiting for that next moment to come along.

Well I've been in Hattiesburg for a while now.
I did meet quiet a few characters and found a job.

I am glad that moving to Hattiesburg did bring a few new people into my life.
NO MORE CRACKED OUT FIENDS.
I first met Keegan. He was cool. A little new to it all, but he is an alright guy.
I later met William.

I am now the Assistant Manager at my first fast food job. WONDERFUL. :-(
I really miss my nice desk, airconditioned office, and MAIDS.

Hurricane Katrina also made a mark on my life.
It did bring some of us together, and allowed some of us to show our true colors. In the end I think it is what we all needed.
And who can forget Ground Beef cooking for three hours in my car.
I know the neighbors will never forget us, nor our Strobe Light, nor our Techno Music, nor the sight of six drunk fags Jamming out. We were the only ones smart enough to user car batteries for power.
Life is almost back to normal here.
It will be a long time before I can enjoy another weekend in New Orleans, and Biloxi will never be the same.

Life sure can throw some curves at people.

Ok.. so I moved to Hattiesburg started my life over once again.. Goodbye Cingular.. Goodbye Coast.. Goodbye Comfort Zone. I should be used to it by now right?
I told myself that I was coming here and starting anew. Everything was going to be better. I told myself that I was going to be an uncaring selfish bitch like everyone else in my life and look out for myself.
I was going to let no one get close to me.
No sooner did I get here and I already have a new group of people around me.. Never fails... People with problems are drawn to me and I get all sypathetic and try to help them out. I try to teach them how to pick up the peices of their life and move one. I teach them how to deal with their emotions and how to find comfort in those around them.
Yet, I feel sometimes I fail to use the advice I give. I am blind to my own wisdom.

When I came here I wanted no one close to me. I wanted to not have feelings for people.

Lesson:
Never admit that you love someone or are in love with them.
Don't even beat around the bush about it.
Not even if they str8 up ask you.
Even if they tell you that they are first.

Why:
Because they will freak out, get scared, and realise that they got more than they were ready for, and start trying to finding ways to stop the relationship.
People are scared to know that someone in this world could possibly love them and want to change their life for them.
It's happened to me every time.

Lesson:
Never change for someone.
Never let their good advice get to you.
Never stop doing what they love.
Never stop going out with your friends, even if they can not go out with you.
Never buy into their bullshit that they love you for who you are, but want you to be safe.

Why:
Because they will not like you once they have gotten what they want out of you.
Because if you do change they realise that they have power over you.
Because if you do change they have nothing to give them their dose of drama.
Because if they do really love you for who you are they would not want you to change.

Ok, so I got that letter in the mail thanking me for submitting my academic scores and welcoming me to the USM Family... blah blah blah.. asking me to come to tour the school.. blah blah..
So yeah, it's all done. Gotta go get my rabbie shots so I won't be biting my teachers..
I hope Cingular Retail Stores have an opening real soon. I am ready just to get my ass up there. I am trying to take some leave from work so that I can get my shit together.
I doin't know if I am going to get an apartment or if I am going to do dorms the first year.
I got's the money either way so I don't really care. I just hate living in a big ole house by myself. Some of my friends for the coast expressed interest in going up there with me.. who knows..
I needs to be talkin to me some Princess and see whats up, but I never see her ass on line.

Ne who... life is changing for me. It's been getting better with the help of my new found state of pleasing myself and not giving a fuck what other people think. They can either love me or hate me for it. I don't care. I am not changing myself again for everyone else, especially for love. They will have to take me for what I am or just get the fuck out my way. I have put my life on hold to long for everyone else, and now I am going to take my leave and start living again.

Ok, So I totally was bad and went out on a work night.
Good thing though.
I ran into some of my new friends, and some of my old friends that I lost touch with.
Now I am at work and I am paying for being out late.

I moved out of the house on Lacenot Ln. in December. I moved into an appartment just about two blocks away. This was a good move and it ws healthy for me. I moved in with a good friend that understands me and can give me a push when I need it. Ken is truely a damn good friend.
Just before I moved to the appartment I got a text message one day from a very un-expected person. I turned out to be DeKote. I was quiet amazed. DeKota was a freind I gained years ago through Josh. When I lost contact with Josh I lost contact with all of our mutual friends I gained through him. It was not intentional, but most of them were upset at me over this situation with Josh and I breaking up. So I just avoided everyone and got on with my life. I had only seen DeKota one time since then during a breif "HI, Bye." at Walmart one night. When I we started talking I was quiet amazed.
I will admit that I did have this soft spot in my heart for him when Josh and I were together. He was a sweet kid, and reminded me of a shattered payne of stained glass needing someone to help him glue himself back together. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, catch a movie, or something some time. I was game for that.
Christmas Eve, I really did not want to be around my family. I did not think he really wanted to be around his either. I asked him out to the movies and we decided to go. Holiday traffic is a bitch, we missed the last call at the box office by about 10 minutes. It really was not a bad thing, we just wanted to hang out, so we headed to waffle house to chat. Chatting at Waffle House on Christmas Eve is a feat eaiser said than done. The place was packed, but we managed to talk a bit.
On the ride hime neither of us really wanted to go right home so we took our time.
That night we talked about possibly going out a bit and seeing if we wanted to date. That started it, at first everything was going great, I really loved being with him, just his presence made me radiate. Hell it still does. One night I got a call from him asking me to come pick him up. His grandmother and he had gotten into a fight while his mother was in the hospital, and she kicked him out. due to this he was able to early graduate, and he moved in with me. This Muddled up things a bit. Things got to serious, more than either of us was ready to handle. He had to goto school in the fall, and I was not ready to change my life again for another person before I got back in college and graduate. I think this, plus the awkwardness of being single for two years, to commited in under a month for me, caused a bit of friction between us as far as not knowing how to act. Not that we fought or anything. I mean I had trouble knowing how to act going from a friend to a lover. This is not what caused the break-up however.
One night we were a little tipsy and had a conversation. We talked about several things, I told him if he wanted me to that I would move to Oxford for him, but that was if we were together when it happened. I kind of caught myself because I knew this would be a bad move for me, I would again be putting off college. It also set the wheels in motion in his head. When DeKota and I started talking we discussed this situation, and we discussed that he needed to go to college and get his life in order before trying to settle down. The seriousness of our relationship at that point mad him decide that he needed to break up with me before things got out of hand.
I see where the problem was, and to be truthful it would have hurt more if we had been together and got to involved to only be torn apart by the changes pending in our lives.
I decided that I would rather have a close friend that I love, rather than a lover that couldn't love me for the fear of not being able to be with me.
Well here I am Ken, DeKota and I all still live at the apartment. I am trying to move on. I know I will, but it is hard when I still care for him and live with him I guess. I mean every breakup I had before was hurtful. This one was a mutual breakup and we remainded friends. Some times pain is easier overcome.

Love ya, mean it, I need to quit for now.

I've know many people in my life. Of all the people I've know my grandfather, James William Deering Sr., is the one I will always remember.
I remember him taking me on hourse back rides. I remember us planting trees and tending small gardens. I remember all of our long walks in the pasture. I remember us working in the barn. I remember various small projects we did together around the yard.
My most treasured memories are all the times that we would rake the yard together. I remember he would rake up the huge piles of leaves and let me play in them. He would bury me in them. He would only let me play in them for a short while. He would then start piling them into the wheel barrel. He would always say he needed someone to sit on top of the leaves to hold them down. In truth he enjoyed allowing me to have a wheel barrel ride.
The smell and the aurua of fall will always get to me. I always think of him and our times we spent together.
Not every moment I spent with him was pleasant, but he always let me know that he loved me.
I remember when a fews times that he was watching me and a few of the other grandkids. He would give us lunch, and every oportunity he had he would get onto us for having our elbows on the table. He would always bring up his caretaker in the orphanage. He told us that she would walk around an slap any kid that had their elbows on the table in the back of the head.
Grandpa always loved sitting out on the front porch, smoking his cigarrette and sipping his coffee, telling me stories about when his life. As I got older the stories were still there, but he starting talking about politics and the world too.
I always loved my grandfather and I knew he loved me. I remember when I was a kid I wanted to get away from all that mushy talk we did like, "I love you." Our routine when I left turned into me saying, "See you later Grandpa." His reply was always the same, "Ok Honey."
I never really gave it much thought until he starting dying. I know that deep down that all the times that I told him, "See you later Grandpa!" that it was really more off, "I love you Grandpa!" I also know that his, "Ok Honey!" was really more of, "I love you too Byron!"
My grandfather started having complications about two years ago. There were numerous times that he had to go into the hospital. Every time became harder and harder. As time passed I knew that he was only coming closer to an end.
Every time he always talked about the weather, and politics and what he saw on the news. He always said that he had to get better because he wanted to get back in the yard. He hated being stuck indoors and in bed most of all.
The nice thing was Grandpa alway kept his sense of humour about him. Every nurse knew him by name and new what an old coote he could be. It always embarresed the hell out of me when he would hit on one of the nurses.
I remember him telling me that he did not want to die in any hospital. He wanted to die at home where he was loved. He also said that he wanted to go out of this world the way he came into this world, "But ass naked."
I loved my grandfather dearly, and as much as I loved him, he was the only person in this world that I feared rejection from.
I came out as a gay man to everyone in the family but him. I really feared how he would handle it. For many years I hid this fact about my life from him. He may have know, but I never brought it up. Many conversations with other family members were quelched when he came around. One of his visits to the hospital brought him down near my home at the Ocean Springs hospital.
I really wanted to spend time with my grandfather and this made it easy. When he was released I volunteered to check him out, spend some time with him and bring him to one of his appointments later that day in Pascagoula. I brought him to my house, and we sat out back. He bagan to admire my yard and told me he wanted to be there in the spring when all my plants started to bloom. I later brought him to his appointment at the doctor and sat with him through it. When we left the doctors office he told me he was a little hungry so I asked where he wanted to eat. His first response, "Hunny I want to got McDonalds and have me a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese!" I smiled knowing that it was his favorite and was more than happy to obligue. It did feel funny in that, this was the first time in my life that I was driving him around and taking him to McDonalds instead of him for me. On the drive home the fact that my Grandfather was not doing well, and that I had not been completely honest with him about my life started to bother me. He sensed things stiring in my head and asked me what was wrong. After a moments hessitation I turned to him and said, "Grandpa, I've wanted to tell you this for years and I have always feared to do it. Grandpa you know I am gay right?" Grandpa turned to me, smiled and said, "The only thing that matters to me and the the only thing that has mattered is you are Byron, my grandson, and I will always love you." Of course I cried and told him how much I loved him. I know that that man loved me more than anyone else in my life ever had. That was the most heart filled moment of truth I ever had in my life.
I already mentioned that Grandpa loved to tell stories about his life. One day in the hospital he started telling me a story. He paused for a minute to tell me that I better tell no one, because if grandma ever found out she would kill him.
He proceeded to tell me this story. He told me about one of the times he got back on leave from overseas. He said that he was hanging out with a bunch of his buddies that owned a bar in New Orleans. He enlighted me on the setting. Apparently this bar was bar for picking up prostitues. He said that the first blonde he saw was the most gorgeous he had ever seen and he told his buddies that he was going to, "have him a peice of that before the night was up!" He friends told him several times that he really did not want that girl, but being the stuborn man he is, he kept insisting that she was the one.
His buddies decided to play a prank on him, and told him that he would hook the two up. He said that later that night he was up in the room and they proceded to make out. Up went the dress, and out rolled the biggest dick he had ever seen. Unfortunatly my grandfather was interupted in telling his story. I often wanted to ask him how it turned out, but I was too embarressed to ask.
Unfortunatley this year Grandpa was not well enough to make a second visit to my house. I knew how much he wanted to see my yard in bloom. I was so lovely. I went to visit him this past Sunday and told him about how interesting it was that my yard was in rare form. Everything had bloomed a second time this year which was not normal. We talked for a moment about this, but only a moment because he was too weak to carry on a long conversation. I knew he was not doing so well so I decided I better let him know how much I loved him. I told him that evertime I planted something and everytime my yard bloomed I thought about the times that we spent together planing tree's and tending the yard. I told him that everytime I rake my yard I thought about the huge piles of leaves and the wheel barrel rides he used to do for me as a kid. I told him I remembered all the horse back rides, and all the times that he took me out in the pasture and told me about all the kinds of trees, and plants, and all the uses that they had. I told him that I remembered all the times that he would sit out and told me stories. I finally told him that I loved him for accepting me for who I was and loved me as much he did. I thanked him for all the times that he had been there for me in my life. I told him a loved him and hugged him, and then left so that he could get his rest.
I went home and 3 days later at work I got a phone call.
On November 3rd 2004, at about 2pm, Grandpa got his wish, he went out of this world the way that he had came in, "But ass naked."

Grandpa I want to thank you for all the memories that we share.
I know now that you are no longer in pain and that you have found some peace.
Grandpa I will always love, and you will forever be missed.
You are a part of my life I can never replace.

For those who are interested, I had a wonderfull time in Orlando.
It's been so depressing to be back in Mississippi today.
We had a blast. I got over my fear of Roller coasters btw.
I met tons of people from around the world.
I remember now why it is that I want to get the hell out of Mississippi. The people here suck ass.
My favorite part was the Make a Wish Firework Show at Disney's Magic Kingdom. I was fighting the tears back with ever ounce of strength I had. When the show was over I realised that I was not the only adult with tears in my eye's. My friend was standing right behind me and the whole time I wanted him to put his arms around me. It just would have made it more pleasant. The funny thing is he was thinking about doing the same. Better someone than no one I guess.
I want to move now damnit.

YAY, I'm going on Vacation to Orlando Friday.
I am so Excited and can not wait. Peter, Jeremy, and I are all going together. We have a kick ass hotel. We are going to every park, and we are definatley hitting the bars.

I've been doing much better lately. It's wierd having money and not have having to support everyone else. I can actually go out and party. I love having my social life back. We have big ass parties at least once a week. I've been to NOLA about 4 times in the last three months. I've just been having way to much damn fun.

It's funny, all I really had to do was find some good roomates.

Well, I've been bad. I have been playing hooky from work. I am being paid for it, but I have been calling in taking personal days.
I have been off since last Friday. So far I had something to do each day.

Friday: Spent with my dieing Grandfather.

Friday night: Bowling with Jeremy and Peter.

Saturday: Skating and Rocky Horror with Jeremy, Peter, Adam, and Friends.

Sunday: Bowling with Jeremy, Peter, Adam, and Friends.

Monday: Shopping with Jeremy and Peter. Later Jeremy, Peter,
Adam and I did something but I forgot what.

Tuesday: Jeremy, Peter, Adam and I all went to a local amusement park for shits and giggles, got bored, went for a drive and ended up in NOLA. We then went to the Bourbon Pub, ate at some restaurant with Gay waiters, and then stayed the night in the Wyndham Hyatt Hotel.

Wed, browsed NOLA and came home.

So yeah, I have been buisy...

^_^

Yeah, so a few things have changed since my last update.

1) Trent no longer talks to me. I think that he either realized that he wasn't mature enough to be in my company, or he got what he wanted and decided to leave. What ever, I believe the later....

2) I moved out of my house in D'Iberville and into a much nicer house in Ocean Springs in Fort Bayou Estates. Loving it. I have new roommates, a gay couple. I knew one in school and the other I just met. I like them as friends and enjoy their company.

3) My social life has drastically improved. When I not at work I am out doing something. I am never at home.

4) My debt has almost completely disappeared.

5) I am another person completely.

Ok, So I had a great day.
I slept in until like 1pm. We watched movies until about 6:30pm when the kiddies came around looking for candy. We ran out in like 30 minutes. I made a mad dash to Wal-mart, well a slow mad dash since there were kids out. I came back with twice the candy we started with. It lasted us about an hour.
We ran out of candy with perfect timing. Just as we ran out of candy it was time to leave for Mat and David's house for their Halloween party. Mandi and Adam dressed up as to blood covered gouls. Adam was dressed up as a bloody Wal-Mart Employee, and Mandi was a bloody Fruit Farm(Mental ward) Patient. We got there right in the middle of Children of the Korn. Of course I had to start the attacks on poor acting that the rest of the crew followed in on. We ended up drinking, eating som pizza and then having the round the table social hour with about 10 conversations going on at once. We then watched 13 ghost again.
It was really a great night. Mat and Davids really sealed the deal.
I got me some Rocky Horror up tommorow night, well actually later tonight. I should have some fun there.
GOD I LOVE HALLOWEEN.

My rain stopped. :-(
I know it was just for me. Look at my last post.
This weekend thus far has been almost perfect. Friday night we sat up chilling til the AM. Adam and I stayed up playing Soul Calaber II. We got bored with it and went for a ride. Mandi had already gone to bed so we did not have the heart to wake her. Mistake! I know, MISTAKE!!! We rode around for about an hour. Both of us talking, first about politics, then education, then politics and education, then our education, and then some how we got on the topic of our lifes and the people that have been in our lives. We had a really good conversation. We got home around 5am, and we hit the bed.
Tonight we went for dinner at Deny's. I took a stacker as we headed out, and of course after the 10 minute ride that turned into 50 minutes because of Cruising the Coast just to get to Deny's, the stacker kicked in and I could hardly eat. After about an hour there we hit proceeded to the Imperial Palace for a movie. We got there an hour sooner than we expected so we decided to hit the slots. I took 20 dollars in, and Walked out with $85 after tipping my waitress. We then proceeded to the movie theater and watched "The School of Rock" yet another time. After the movie we headed to WalMart to get my party supplies for the GLBT BBQ tommorow, well actually later today. While there we decided to hit the bar just down from our house on the way back. We played pool for about 2 hours. Then came home and now I'm here.
Tomorrow I'll be heading to the BBQ. Of course, I am the only fag that is not bringing someone, go me. At least I'm not the only one that is single :-).

Well, it's time for bed. We'll see how tommorrow goes.